Is there a word or a phrase you use (or overuse) all the time, and are seemingly unable to get rid of? If not, what’s the one that drives you crazy when others use it?
Momisms they’re called.
Those little words, phrases, or pet names that I’ve created and say so often that they drive my family crazy. So crazy, in fact, that they’ll often say them for me now in some mockingly sarcastic tone before my lips can even form the syllables.
I happen to have several of these momisms, and to narrow it down to the most overused one would just seem well…impossible.
I’m grateful for this opportunity to share with you, my adoring one and a half fans, some of my most coveted momisms, in vocabulary form. Pay close attention. There will be a quiz later.
Hubnoxious: A combination of the words ‘husband’ and ‘obnoxious’. I use this word frequently in reference to my 41-going-on-7 year old husband when he’s acting more juvenile than the kids.
When used in a sentence: “Its 7 am. Why are you poking me? Quit being so hubnoxious.”
(Okay that’s 3 sentences but you get the point.)
Red-Doodle: A word often used when addressing my red-headed offspring with hair the color of a cheese doodle.
When used in a sentence: “The floor is not your laundry hamper, Red-doodle.”
(Coincidentally, ‘the floor is not your laundry hamper’ is also a favorite and frequently used momism.)
Man-Squirrel: A name used to describe Red-Doodle’s boyfriend because the boy behaves just like Hammy the squirrel from ‘Over the Hedge’. (In other words, a nervous squirrel with A.D.D hopped up on energy drinks.)
When used in a sentence: “Please tell your man-squirrel to go sit down somewhere, he’s making me and everyone else within a 60 yard radius nervous.”
Berbsie: A mutated form of Berber, which stems from the name Amber and is also occasionally used in acknowledgement of the red-haired female child.
When used in a sentence: “Get a move on, Berbsie, we’re already 15 minutes late.”
Slower than Molasses in January: The reason why ‘Berbsie’ has made us 15 minutes late. Because she has one speed, and it isn’t fast. Much like molasses, a slow pouring liquid that would pour even slower, if at all, after being introduced to the biting January cold. While this phrase has been around for decades and isn’t necessarily my own, I say it often enough to consider it another annoying momism.
When used in a sentence: “I swear, child, you’re slower than molasses in January.”
Smallish Male Human: Used when referring to the youngest child in the family, and often written on his school lunch bag lest he forget what he is. Sometimes these words are simply replaced with: ‘the boy’.
When used in a sentence: “Aww look, the smallish male human has fallen asleep in the back seat and is drooling on himself”, or “have you fed the boy yet or should I?
Get up, clean up: The same 4 words used any given morning when the job of getting the kids up and out of bed has befallen me. Their rooms in the morning tend to look like a hurricane passed through the night before, hence the ‘clean up’ part. These words must always be barked in shrill mom-tones as bedroom doors are rapidly flung open to achieve the desired effect.
When used in a sentence: “Get up, clean up.”
Kapeesh?: A shortened way of asking, “Do you understand what I am saying to you?” Often used to drive a point home at the end of a lecture. Not necessarily my own word either, but used so frequently by my mother when I was a kid that it has now become an integral part of my own vocabulary.
When used in a sentence: “Come home late one more time, and you won’t see the light of day for a month, Kapeesh?”
You spill, I kill, you know the drill: A phrase directed toward the ‘smallish male human’ to let him know that he’d better be careful while eating food anywhere other than the kitchen table. He’s heard this phrase so often that he now says these words for me as he disappears into his room with a bowl or plate.
When used in a sentence: (in mocking tone) Yes mom, I know…”You spill, I kill, you know the drill.”
It is what it is: Another way of saying, “Oh well, you can’t change it so you might as well accept it and move on.” This phrase was formerly used so often in conjunction with the words “quite frankly”, that now the ‘red-doodle’ will add the “quite frankly” part in mocking jest for me every time I say this phrase.
When used in a sentence: “We aren’t millionaires again today…ah well, it is what it is.”
(followed by the echoing “quite frankly” from the red headed child)
End of Story: Meaning ‘I expect to hear no further argument on the subject’. A phrase inherited by my father but now spoken more frequently by my husband than myself because I’m more of a pushover than he is.
When used in a sentence: “I don’t care if you are on the phone with the man-squirrel for the 20th time today, I said put your laundry away…end of story.”
I think that pretty much sums up today’s lesson in momisms.
Like all good things, this post must come to an end, and quite frankly…
It is what it is.
End of story.