This Lady’s Nuts!

I am a Christian, and I have a sense of humor. Bet you never thought you’d see those 2 things in the same sentence, did you? I’m capable of being serious from time to time, though, especially with controversial topics, or those that I’m overly emphatic about, as you’ll see in a few of my writings. For the most part, though, I’ll try to elicit a chuckle or 2 out of anyone that cares to read my ramblings.

I’ve decided at this stage of life that laughter is far more appealing than other alternatives. Let your freak flag fly, I say, as long as it stays within the realms of legality. My daughter likes to say, “Mom, you’re so immature.” I love her a little more each time she says it. Life’s too short to suppress your insanity. Your head might explode if you do. My family likes to tell me that this same thing will happen if I continue to stifle my sneezes, which I usually do so that I won’t pee my pants. Hey, don’t judge. Any woman that’s ever had her bladder used as a punching bag through the miracle of pregnancy knows what I’m talking about. Allergy season is like a stroll through the valley of the shadow of death. I’ll stop in mid stride and cross my legs when a sneezing fit hits me. My daughter refers to this as “assuming the ‘mom stance’”.

I’m also a poet, too, and yes, I know it. This talent will likely rear its lovely head from time to time during our new found relationship together.

‘My OCD diaries’ happens to be more than just a fun name for my loony linguistics. I really do suffer from said mental illness, which, after several years of marriage, my husband still doesn’t fully understand why I can’t just shut off like a running faucet. I have made strides of improvement in certain areas over the years, though. Even he can’t deny that.

Now, it’s not your usual hand washing until they bleed, repetitive counting, checking and rechecking, need to eat a spoonful of paste every hour and 17 minutes so that my 5th cousin twice removed won’t die in a tragic car accident version of the disease that you usually hear about. Instead, it’s more of an anxiety fueled need to live in a house so spotless that I could call it a museum and charge admission. I wouldn’t dare, though. Houseguests make me nervous.

You could literally eat off of my floors. I wouldn’t advise it, though. Not if you’d prefer to keep me from suffering a psychotic break, anyway.

We don’t use the sinks in my house. Water spots have a tendency to throw me into nervous fits. Dust? No way. Not on my watch. Loose hair? Forget about it. It gives me the heebie jeebies, which is a tragedy in and of itself considering that my very vain daughter has this flowing mane of long, red hair that she likes to brush often…and all over the place. I’ll walk into a bathroom and die a little on the inside after she’s been there, because it will resemble the aftermath of a Wookie reunion. That’s about the time my inner Yoda says, “Clean it again, I must.”

I also have this thing with perfect symmetry. Don’t skew things. Not in front of me. Oh, the humanity. Line them up, please. Make them match. My fragile state of mind depends on it.

Vacuum lines across the carpet? Yes, please. Make them perfectly straight. Then, just don’t step there… ever again. Sprout wings and fly over if you have to, but for Heaven’s sake, don’t mess up the carpet lines. Wear socks in the kitchen, too. I don’t want to see your foot prints on the shiny tile. And if you open the refrigerator, use the back of the handle. I don’t want to see your fingerprints, either. Same goes for the microwave.

Never use the flat top stove. You might scratch it or burn something onto it. I’ll have none of that. Oh, and for the love of peace, stay out of the living room. My couches are currently serving as a shrine to the element of air. I might literally just shrivel up and die if you go in there.

I can laugh at myself because I know that somewhere in the back of my mind it’s all very ridiculous, but that still doesn’t change the anxiety attacks of epic proportions that I suffer from if things aren’t ‘just so’. Each and every person has their own quirks, eccentricities, and vices, though, and is somewhat crazy in their own special way. I just happen to be overly umm…special.

16 thoughts on “This Lady’s Nuts!

  1. OMG!!! You really are a gem 🙂 and I think you’re very ‘special’ lol.
    I found your ‘About’ page hilarious and sad at the same time. I hope you don’t think I’m being patronising and this is purely my own opinion.
    I sympathise with your plight and believe there must be a way to be free from it.But it’s sad to see you SO controlled by being totally ‘in control’. Which you’re not. Because your irrational fear is.actually the thing in control!! I can’t imagine the tension that must be stored in your poor body and the pain it would create.
    I have been there, to a very tiny degree and in the same way; possibly even still am with some things. I actually blogged about things kind of similar myself not that long ago – you might want to take a look.

    http://jodiegahan.com/2013/06/22/ocd-or-just-an-organised-details-person/

    No one else can ever say they know how you feel coz they never will. But there can be some understanding of sorts, but better still acceptance and allowing that you are who you are.
    One day you may even be ready to make a decision to ‘let go’ of the need to feel in control of your environment, even though you’re actually allowing it to be in control of you.
    I love how you write, am now following you and look forward to reading more of your posts – new & old 🙂

    • I went back and read your post and followed you as well, Jodie. It looks like you suffer from my husband’s level of OCD. I think that everyone suffers from it in one way or another. We all have things that we like to be ‘just so’.

      It is a struggle some days, but I’m no where near the level of crazy that I was when my husband and I first got married. I couldn’t even leave the house then. Now I have 3 different side jobs that keep me pretty busy, so I’ve come a long way. Baby steps, right?

  2. Shawn, you remind me of my mother in law. I’ve never seen anyone as methodical as she. She is amazing in many ways and I bet my house made her crawl inside. I think amino’s would calm your brain and help you relax. I take them all the time, get mine from the pain and stress center..they have a very informative catalog and super help line. They are in Texas if you are interested. We have really enjoyed the Monk series in past years, do you you? You have a great sense of humor. Wish we lived closer. Take good care. ss

    • Thanks for the tip, Susan, I’ll look into aminos. I’m currently not taking anything for anxiety, although I used to many years ago. I decided that I’d rather not have my vision and my mind clouded by a drug induced fog. I’m much better than I used to be thanks to my relationship with the Lord, though I’m not where I’d like to be yet because of my own stubbornness.

      I think the methodical meticulous perfectionism just runs in the family. I see it in my mom and both aunts, just in different ways. I definitely come by it honestly. My daughter hasn’t inherited my OCD yet, but she shows the same traits in her artwork. It can be a beautiful creation to everyone else, but if one little line or shade of color isn’t perfect to her, she’ll scrap the whole project.

      I do enjoy the Monk series. My husband and I used to watch it all of the time, and he’d laugh at certain things Monk would do and say, “That’s so you!” I’d point out certain things, and say, “I can relate to that!”

      Thank you for the kind words. Wish we lived closer, too. Hopefully we will see you and the family soon. Perhaps a trip to visit your lovely state some time might be in order. It’s a dream of ours to one day go there. We’ve been looking into cruises there, but they’re way more than we will likely be able to afford for any time soon.

  3. This is the best About page I have ever read, and I adore your blog! Honestly, I am so happy I managed to stumble across it and I can’t wait to read more of your posts! 🙂

  4. Oh, I love this! It is so funny and sad and sweet and brave. Much of it I can wholly identify with: if a carpet is rucked, I start to have a panic attack; water all around the sink makes me want to weep with fear at the loss of control.
    You have expressed, with a perfect blend of humour and fear the OCD way of thinking/living. Alienora

  5. And, my OCD has now kicked in because – wait for it, I left a comma out of the above. There should have been one after the word’ fear’ to indicate that this part is In Parenthesis.

    • LOL, awww. I do that, too. I must check each post and comment over 50 times before I finally relent and hit the button, and even after that, I check it over 50 more and edit,edit, edit. It’s terrible that we suffer in such a way, but it is nice to know that there’s people out there that can relate to the way I think and feel. Makes me feel slightly less alone in this battle.

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