Opinions Are Like…

Businessman with Taped Mouth

In today’s world, with all of the different social media and just plain social platforms available, there’s all of these wonderful opportunities for the people that we know and love (some by default because they’re family) to annoy us.

I have one. You have one. That friend, relative, acquaintance, person that we exchange pleasantries with in a hallway or share a crowded elevator with on a daily basis, that feels the need to chime in on every single subject. Their voice simply must be heard, and they view every word that comes from your mouth or keyboard as their own personal debate forum.

I, in fact, know several of those people. The ones that you silently wish came with a mute button or that you’d like to block from interacting with you at all about 95% of the time, but can’t for whatever reason.

Or maybe you ARE one of those people. Society’s Know-it-alls.

Well, folks, you know what they say about opinions.

It just so happens that I have a few points to make on the subject. An opinion on opinions. Friendly advice for those people that couldn’t keep a thought to themselves even if they had their lips stapled shut and their hands tied behind their backs. They would still find a way to add their 5 cents to everyone else’s statement , because 2 cents is just never enough.

Point #1: Did I ask?

So, Heywood U. Hush posted this statement as his Facebook status:

Boy, it sure was a hot one today.”

Anita B. Heard then chimes in with something along the lines of:

“Well, hot is actually no longer the politically correct term to use while discussing thermogenic atmospheric climate conditions. Due to a 3.4 percent increase in global warming temperatures over the past 2.4 years, scientific studies that pertain to planetary heating increases have found that…”

Whoa. Slow your roll there, Einstein. No one asked for you to deliver an entire dissertation on heat waves. Seriously.

I stopped reading that reply after the first 4 words. There wasn’t even a question mark at the end of the original status, so what made you think that such a simple little statement was even open to some lengthy opinion in the first place?

That’s one of those statuses that you simply like, or if you’re absolutely bursting at the seams with your non-stop need to interject, make it something short, sweet, and to the point:

“I agree. My sweat was sweating today,” or, “I disagree. I found it to be quite pleasant.”

Then leave it at that.

Now, had the original poster actually wanted a lengthy opinion that opened the floor to some major debate on global warming and political correctness, they might have written something more along the lines of:

Boy, it sure is a hot one today. What do you all think?”

Instead, you added your opinion where it wasn’t even needed or asked for.

There’s a time and place to give in to your incessant need for debate, learn it.

Point #2: Gauge Intellect.

Heywood U. Hush: “Boy it sure was a hot one today.”

Anita B. Heard: “Actually, as stated in the popular publication, “Theories of Relativity in Direct Relation To Recalescent Climate Conditions”, the heat index connected with a substantial zephyric density of the atmospheric stimulation within the tidal pull caused by the oceanic pressures created by a solar anomaly is simply just a matter of human perception pertaining to the overall ventillatory limitations created when the planetary temperatures rise above and or exceed those within certain levels of anthropomorphic comfort.”

What.

Is there a translator somewhere that I can download for junk like this?

A reply like this may be perfectly acceptable amid the group of uptight brainiacs that you meet with for coffee every other Tuesday, but you just lost everyone else.

When you deliver a response like that to a person that functions on about the level of “I can haz words” you’re just making yourself look like an idiot, rather than impressing them with what you are so certain is your superior intellect.

It’s great that you have an I.Q of one million, but by all means, feel free to dumb down your frequent little impromptu lessons for those of us that don’t care to waste our precious time trying to decipher what you just said.

Point #3: Don’t be That Guy.

Heywood U. Hush: “Boy it sure was a hot one today.”

I. M. Happy: “It sure was, but summer is just the best. I love to spend time at the beach and in the pool, don’t you?”

Heywood U. Hush: “I’m still on the fence about beach trips. Last time I was there, I think a seagull took off with my beach towel! LOL!”

Anita B. Heard: “Actually, due to the disproportionate size of a seagull’s beak in relation to the overall mass of the rest of its body, it is theoretically impossible for a seagull to carry anything larger than a small fish or item weighing more than 25 grams.”

Well thank you, Professor Killjoy. You just went and ruined a perfectly good conversation that 2 other people were enjoying because you just couldn’t refrain from adding your 2 literal cents.

Learn when not to jump in, or at the very least, learn when someone is simply trying to make a joke and doesn’t require the use of your automatic humor correct.

Life can be fun, Opinionheads. Learn to have some.

The bottom line here is this: Your opinion isn’t always wanted, nor does it always matter, especially when you’re constantly forcing it upon everyone that dares to make a statement in your presence. Take a step back and see the big picture. Do you tend to shoot down more conversations than a band of plaid-clad mountaineers at a quail hunt?

If you’ve been feeling socially isolated, there may be good reason for everyone’s withdrawal from your opinionated presence.

Kenny Roger’s once said, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to speak, and know when to shut up.”

Okay, well maybe he didn’t use those exact words, but you get the point.

Until next time, readers…

Stay Unopinionated.

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