Freshly Unim-Pressed

Daily Prompt: Secret of Success


The Queen is Clearly Unimpressed.

What would it take for you to consider yourself a “successful blogger”? Is that something you strive for?

Nope. Why would I strive for that? I write so that my adoring one and a half fans have something to read while they’re sitting on the porcelain throne. I would never wish to branch out and bring my musings to the masses!

Yes, that was sarcasm. What a silly question. Well, the second one, anyway.

The first one is fairly simple, though.

Finally, WordPress powers that be! I thought you’d never ask!

I strive to one day be pressed. Freshly Pressed, that is. Not my clothes, silly, I don’t iron!

I have no shame. I’ll admit it. I’m fairly certain that there isn’t a WordPress blogger out there that wouldn’t greatly appreciate the same honor.

My friends don’t help, either. They get me all fired up.

“You’re an awesome writer,” they say.

“You should write a book,” they say.

“Stop staring at me like that, it creeps me out,” they say.

So I get this big ego, and think, “Yeah! I’ve got this! Thousands of eager fans waiting with bated breath until my next installment of awesome goes live? Piece of cake. I’ll still have time left over to work on winning that Nobel Peace Prize while I cure cancer and write Def Leppard’s next big hit.”(Oh come on; you know you want to see them make a comeback just as much as I do.)

And then the next batch of Freshly Pressed posts go up.

And I read.

And then my over-inflated ego doesn’t just fly around the room like a balloon that’s been filled and let go of, it audibly pops. My neighbors knock on the door and say, “What was that noise?”, and I’ll say, “Oh just my ego bursting. No biggie.”

I’ll go off after that to sulk and shed a few tears into my box of Nilla Wafers (comfort food, hello…) and say to myself, “Self, you really aren’t all that. Now these people, they’re all that, and a bag of lightly sea salted organic vegetable crisps.” (That’s for all of you health conscious folk. You’re welcome.)

So, maybe I’ll just save myself some heartache and make my goal somewhat more realistic:

How about I just shoot for my one and a half followers to someday become two, and reward myself with this award:

Not imPressed Award

And if any of you one and a half readers want this snazzy award for your blog, too, simply add an image widget and link the following image url into the correct slot. Enjoy!

18 thoughts on “Freshly Unim-Pressed

  1. Excellent! Very funny, sweet, honest and tongue in cheek! I love it! Oh! and I totally agree! I’d sell a vestigial body part (a small toe, say!) to get Freshly Pressed!!! Ali

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  3. Ha ha! This is so great! When I started my blog, I dreamed of Freshly Pressed, and a month and a half later, it happened. I don’t know what those guys over there at FP were thinking, but it was an amazing 5 days. After that, the BOOM of new views and followers tapered off, and my ego deflated a bit and life went back to normal. Here’s the thing–I feel like it’s all downhill from here. I started my blogging career at the top, so all I can do now is fall. I hope the FP people see, read, appreciate your blog because you are funny and interesting and you have a unique voice. Thanks again for reading my blog and nominating me for an award. I’m honored!

    • Wow I feel almost as if I’ve just met a celebrity! Someone that’s been pressed is talking to little old me?! That’s actually pretty exciting in my book!

      I think it’s great that you received the freshly pressed honor and you genuinely deserve it. I, for one, can see why it didn’t take long for you to be selected. You’re welcome for the new nomination as well, and thank you for the kind words in return.

      I appreciate you sharing your insight as to how receiving such an honor ultimately made you feel. I’m fairly new at this myself…only 40 something posts under my belt…and I had never looked at meeting my ultimate goal in such a light. It’s definitely food for thought. Perhaps I should reign in my enthusiasm a bit and not be in such a hurry to make it to the top.

      • Ha ha! You’re funny–a celebrity! In my dreams! I’m glad you’re excited though. Thank you for saying I deserve FP because sometimes I feel like they jumped the gun a bit. I think it’s important to have a goal for your blog, so shooting for FP is not something to stop striving for. I am off work during the summer (perks of being a teacher), so I created this blog and then began posting like the world was about to end without hearing my voice. Maybe it was the sheer volume of posts that I made in such a compacted amount of time that helped the FP press. Good luck with your future writing, and I will be here reading. 🙂

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