Daily Prompt: Stranger in a Strange Land

Daily Prompt: Stranger in a Strange Land

What’s your favorite part about visiting a new place — the food? The architecture? The people watching?

When you spend each waking moment caught in the grip of a stressful, debilitating anxiety disorder that alters what others would think of as normal everyday life, it can cause you to feel like a prisoner in your own body, or in my case, your own home. When my little corner of the world becomes stifling, and the familiar walls that I see every day threaten to close in on me, getting away to a new place is nothing less than priceless. I’ve found that there’s really only one thing that I can truly look forward to, my favorite part of being someplace else, someplace new…

Freedom!!!

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To me, the sweet smell of freedom is the best part of a new place, and anywhere that happens to NOT be home smells just as sweet. Call it that “new place smell.” Getting away is often the only way that I can manage to escape my reality, my own private torture chamber that lies within my mind; anxiety.

If I just can’t get out and steal away to someplace else as often as I’d like, or even need to, I manage to virtually escape every now and then and explore a new place in an online game. Then, not only can I be somewhere else, but I can be someone else as well. It can be just as exciting to escape from being me entirely.

My family will tell you that I’m a different person when I’m not at home. I’m relaxed. I’m fun. Even though home is where the OCD is, I’m able to leave it behind and not pack it up and bring it along when I manage to get out and away. I wish I could be the person that they enjoy being around even when we’re surrounded by daily routine, but I just can’t seem to get to a place where I can be as happy on the inside as I am when I get outside.

I have high hopes for breaking free….someday. Until then, I’ll make the most of the time that I get in different, new, and exciting places. That could be just about anywhere. Anywhere that isn’t…here.

This caged little bird chirps to be free, and freedom, my friends, has many forms.

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4 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Stranger in a Strange Land

  1. Pingback: Look at That! | Prayers and Promises

  2. If your OCD is confined to your own home, I’m fascinated to know what the real link or trigger there is for you?? How long have you been living in that house? Have you been the same way in every house you’ve lived? Is it an ownership thing, where you consider a place to be ‘yours’ or not yours? Totally intriguing!!

    • It’s anywhere that I live, so it really doesn’t have anything to do with the house itself. I think the best I can explain it is that I get this feeling of extreme worthlessness if my house isn’t kept absolutely perfect. My husband would still love me if even if our house looked like something you’d find on an episode of hoarders, and he tells me as much, but that still doesn’t “fix it”. There are things that kick my anxiety into over-drive, like dust, lint, loose hair…but only in my own personal living environment. I can walk into someone else’s house and see all of those same things, and it doesn’t really bother me. I guess because I know that their mess isn’t my problem or responsibility to take care of, but my own home is and its cleanliness reflects on me.

      • So your husband loves and accepts you more than you do (which is awesome by the way) 😦 but until you can love and approve of yourself that feeling of extreme worthlessness won’t go away. Have you tried to go ‘into’ that feeling when it happens & see where it takes you back to? Hopefully to the source of the worthless feelings, possibly a childhood experience, where you as an adult would now process it differently & be able to release it xx

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